Once you’ve address your emotional pain, it is really important that you don’t stay there too long. It is very easy for us to get stuck in the self pity part of it and then we dwell and linger in that state for far too long. This only increases and continues the pain. In order to heal from emotional pain you need to learn from it. And then move on from it.
So the first step is to learn from it. After you’ve acknowledged the pain and sat with with it for a while. After you’ve allowed yourself to feel whatever you are feeling (see my previous post about pain and it’s purpose). Now it’s time to start looking for the lesson in it. See, I believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we go through things that are really terrible and painful. Maybe someone else hurt you or betrayed you. While you can’t control what another person does, you can control what you get from it. I always try to look at things as a lesson. I had to go through that, to learn this… So after you’ve allowed yourself to just feel the pain, now ask yourself “What does this experience teach me?” If you can, at the very least, find meaning in what has happened, you can start to move on from it. This is where you have a choice. You can choose to continue a pattern, you can choose to stay stuck in a painful place, or you can choose to heal and move on. A lot of us stay and feel like we are just stuck and stagnant in this place. But to actually find a lesson in it gives it a purpose, and also helps you to grow from it. When you grow, you learn. Maybe you learn that you need to believe in yourself, not settle for less than you deserve and to see your own self value. This was my biggest lesson.
I had to see my own self worth. It doesn’t matter what other people see. If you don’t see it in yourself, it really doesn’t matter. You’ll allow people to mistreat you and take you for granted for far too long, until you learn to see that you are good enough. You are worthy of love and you need to stand up for what you know and believe. I used to feel small, insignificant, and weak. Now I know that I am strong, intelligent, fun, adventurous, kind, loving and far from small and unimportant. But I allowed others to make me feel that way. I had to start building myself up, for myself. I am still humble and don’t believe any one person is more important than another. We are all human. We all have feelings and we all have a purpose on this earth. But I had to believe it inside of myself too. That I was worthy and that my voice matters as much as any other persons voice.
Now, once you’ve found the lesson and given your pain a purpose, it’s time to move on. Let it go. This is the hard part. But if you can see that even the bad things in life have brought you to this point. This point where you are growing and learning and becoming a better version of yourself, you can see that it had to happen. This makes it so much easier to let the pain go. Let the old feelings go and now you can release it. Say good bye to it. You’ve acknowledged it, learned from it and now it can go and you can be free. Sometimes it’s easier than other times. If it is difficult for you to let go, maybe there is another lesson you need to get from it, or maybe you need to do something physical to allow it to go. There are exercises you can do to help you. Things like writing a long deep letter where you pour out everything you’ve held on to and then burn the letter and tell yourself you are now letting it go and say goodbye to the past. Or maybe you need to decide to forgive someone. Forgiveness is a whole separate process, but deciding to forgive is the first step. There are a lot of resources out there for ideas on how to let go of past pain. I’m sure you can find one that will help you.
It’s just as important for you to do your own research. Putting in the effort and time to find those answers is even part of the process. It means you are actively taking steps in your own healing. You are making positive choices and taking control of how you respond to the things in your life. Everyone is different, with different experiences, different pain, and different ways of dealing with the things that happen in their lives. It’s ok to find your own way of healing. It may not look like someone else’s process, because they didn’t go through what you went through. That is perfectly fine. Your journey is your own. Just make sure you are using healthy methods of healing. Using substances such as alcohol or drugs to cope or sex as a band aid are not healthy coping mechanisms and will not truly help you heal. These are things that give you temporary relief and a false sense of control. As always I recommend finding a licensed professional to help you through these processes. They can help you keep things in the correct perspective.
Find your path to healing and know that you are worthy. Every single person deserves healing. It’s a natural process of living.
Go out there and be Empowered, Strengthened and find your Recovery.